Why with the “getting old” again?
I mean, I know why, but why is it so difficult with which to come to terms?
I ask, but I know why metaphysically.
And I want to become peaceful about it.
Now.
The struggle with getting old is real...
Actually, I think I'll not refer to myself as "old", but as "less new".
The Shock of Seeing Old Photos
(The above photos are from nearly twenty years ago.)
My photographic past caught up with me today. Well, the beginnings caught up with me through Google photos last week, and the irritation with how the body ages became quite a companion to me since.
The Role Of AI In Our Lives
Today, I found a multi-goob of photos I took nearly fifteen years ago uploaded to one of my smart devices. I had no idea they existed in that sphere. When I saw them, I didn’t immediately suspect the FBI (not this time), but I did come to the conclusion that AI has decided to hate me. I don’t know what I did to it. Actually, I think my asking it to assist me in multiple matters “literary” has earned me an AI network wide red flag.
I’ll need to make peace with the Terminators before they become Terminators.
But, seeing myself in the body and energy I had then, made me despair of the -100 body and -2042 energy I have now. Heh. Last week, Google’s system kindly created a collage entitled “Look How Times Have Changed” and pasted it onto my screen without permission. Yes. Google Photos reminded me how my body has changed over the years!
How I screamed.
Photo A: photo of a young, thin, rapturously happy, un-anxietic, energetic, traveling me.
Photo B: the absolute worst selfie I took of my body in an unapologetic “come to terms” attempt at acceptance of the current state of war that is my body to date.
In future, if you ever want to ask “Who hurt you?!”. Now you know.
It me.
And Google.
Embracing Change and Self-Acceptance
If anything, after looking at my facial expression before motherhood, during motherhood, and after motherhood (and a remark from my sister), I realized (today) that I never ever allowed the changes to occur. I fought against the changes every single hour of every single day. My body is a tangled up, cramped up, twisted organ of “resistance to change”.
You can see it in ma’ face.
I didn’t do well with that assignment, did I…sigh.
I look confused, beleaguered, un-energetic, full of pain, sleeplessness, and annoyance that anything outside of what I planned could have ever occurred.
Lesson learned.
Lessons Learned
Don’t resist the change. You’ll not like that change is happening possibly, yes. But don’t resist it. Resisting isn’t only deciding you don’t want to participate. Resisting is also remembering how things were before and trying to get back to it. Resistance is also thinking of the change obsessively. Resistance is also trying to hold on to peripheral things you had prior to the change (clothing, trips, food, people, music, locations, environments, etc)
The past is unattainable. You can simply redraw your lines, or reinvent your present.
Good morrow, Nathina
According to this article, accepting change is crucial for mental health.
If you can learn to cope with change, you’ll lower your risk for anxiety and depression. Your relationships will flourish, and your body will feel healthier. But if you can’t cope with change, only a minor amount of stress can make you feel overwhelmed by life.